Mordred’s Mum

The estrogenesis of our presidnit. A coming anti-Nancy backlash?

But in Leftieland, this time the Iranian leadership might have gone too far, by calling Barack a “nutter”.


STACY
What in all of heaven could’ve prompted him to blow,
After such a triumph on the mall?
What could’ve depressed him;
What could’ve possessed him?
I cannot understand the wretch at all.

Lefties are irrational, that’s all there is to that!
Their heads are full of rhetoric and rags!
They’re nothing but exasperating, irritating,
vacillating, calculating, agitating,
Maddening and infuriating f . . .nags!
[To Cynthia]
Cynthia, why can’t Obama be more like a man?
CYNTHIA
Hmm?
STACY
Yes…
Why can’t Obama be more like a man?
Men are transparent, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historic’ly fair;
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Well, why can’t Obama be like that?
Why does every proggie say what the others say?
Can’t Obama learn to use his head?
Why do they do ev’rything their mothers’ way?
Why don’t they grow up—well, like their father instead?
Why can’t a lefty take after lesbians?
They’re so pleasant, so easy to please;
Whenever you are with them, you’re always at ease.
Would you be slighted if I didn’t speak for hours?
CYNTHIA
Of course not!
STACY
Would you be livid if I had a drink or two?
CYNTHIA
Nonsense.
STACY
Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers?
CYNTHIA
Never.
STACY
Well, why can’t a lefty be like you?
One righty in a million may just spout off.
Now and then there’s one with slight defects;
One, perhaps, who doesn’t care for Charles Winecoff.
But by and large we are a marvelous sex!
Why can’t a lefty take setbacks like, say, Malkin?
Righty women are so friendly, good and kind.
A better companion you never will find.
If I were hours late for dinner, would you bellow?
CYNTHIA
Of course not!
STACY
If I dipped my balls in pudding, would you fuss?
CYNTHIA
Nonsense.
STACY
Would you complain if I took out another fellow?
CYNTHIA
Never.
STACY
Well, why can’t a lefty be like us?
[To Jane Hamsher]
Ms. Hamsher, you’re a lefty…
Why can’t Obama be more like a man?
Men are so decent, such regular chaps.
Ready to help you through any mishaps.
Ready to buck you up whenever you are glum.
Why can’t a lefty be a chum?
Why is thinking something lefties never do?
Why is logic never even tried?
Denouncing other people is all they ever do.
Why don’t they straighten up the mess that’s inside?
Why can’t Obama behave like he’s a man?
If I was a lefty who’d been to a ball,
Been hailed as a savior by one and by all;
Would I start blaming like a waterboarded ninny?
And carry on as if my purchases were free?
Would I hide things and then say that I’m forthcoming?
Why can’t Obama be like me?

About Dan Collins

Dan Collins is a dude who blogs. He used to blog elsewhere. Now he blogs here.
This entry was posted in Too Lazy to Categorize. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Mordred’s Mum

  1. SarahW says:

    oh what’s to become of me.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*


2 + = eight

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Subscribe without commenting