The Elaborate AoSHQ Pudding Hoax

Or, I Was Scammed by a Vast Moron Conspiracy

So, I’m at the bloggers row at the Scott Brown festivity at the Park Plaza in Boston, last night, and discover the E-wocky looking guy blogging next to me is Ace of Spades, and we chat a little bit. Then one of his Morons, named Andy, comes by with some Jell-O pudding, and they’re taking pictures of the pudding, and pictures of Norah O’Donnell with the pudding, and making vague allusions to “dipping.” So then Ace passes out this pudding, for dipping, and gives me one.

And I’m all like, “What do you mean, ‘dipping’?” And they’re all like, it’s this long-running gag over at AoSHQ blog, that sort of turns around the whole not-very-well-thought-through “tea bagging” rant that the lefty douchebags have been on since summer, and that in order to celebrate this momentous occasion, and embrace the . . . meataphor, I suppose, after Brown’s victory is announced we’re going to cloister ourselves (individually) and dip our balls in pudding. So, it’s not tapioca, which I really thought would have been more appropriate, but, hey, I was in a fraternity, and dipping my balls in pudding isn’t a big hang-up, but the main thing was that Ace promised to link me up for performing this Moron Ritual.

Brown wins, obviously. I go to the bathroom (I’m dressed so that I’m indistinguishable for the roustabouts in shipping and receiving, so this is an easy matter) and have the refreshing, somewhat bracing experience of empuddening my testes. And when I come back, it’s all high fives and secret handshakes and back slapping and good blog, nice to meet you, hope to see you again, yadda yadda.

Today, though? NO LINK.

I fucked up; I trusted them. Bob Belvedere, by contrast, links me even though he didn’t promise to.

I mean, what kind of people go through this elaborate scheming to give some poor shmoe they’ve never met, who’s never done them any harm, a case of vanilla crotch? Seriously, WTF?

If you should ever happen to meet Ace and his Merry Band of Morons, DO NOT FALL FOR THIS SCROTASTROPHIC SCAM.

Ace of Spades. He puts the pud in pudding. That is all.

[an Enoch Root joint]

About Dan Collins

Dan Collins is a dude who blogs. He used to blog elsewhere. Now he blogs here.
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30 Responses to The Elaborate AoSHQ Pudding Hoax

  1. As Andrew Sullivan said to Charles Johnson: I’ve got your back side, dear boy.

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  3. Andy says:

    Hahahaha

    Never trust an Ewok after 14 shots of Valu-Rite

    Nice meeting you, Dan

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  4. Dan Collins says:

    Likewise, Andy.

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  5. Joe says:

    The Night Obama Care Died

    HT: Rush and Weasel Zippers

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  6. eddiebear says:

    heh. I just drank myself silly while cursing on DPUD

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  7. meep says:

    Wait…. I just realized he was passing out sugar-free pudding.

    That’s so wrong.

    And that should’ve been your tip-off, Dan.

    [also, a warning - if an actuary approaches you talking about giraffes... anyway, don't be fooled again]

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    • meep says:

      Also, it’s “always trust CONTENT from Ace” not “always trust SUGAR-FREE PSEUDO-PUDDING from Ace”

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  8. Enoch_Root says:

    The shame. The shame!

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  9. Did you just say “empuddening”? I am dazzled by this new word. I must find some way to work it into conversation today.

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    • Enoch_Root says:

      I tried using this new term on my wife… she was not amused. I recommend using this term in polite society… or at a publicly-trade company.

      I do, however, recommend that you submit it to UrbanDictionary.com

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  10. Mikey NTH says:

    Dan…please tell me you didn’t actually do that.

    You can lie.

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  11. Peaches says:

    That is some funny shit right there, Dan. “Empuddening my testes?” Tears rolling down my face, just bookmarked your blog.

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  12. eddiebear says:

    let me be clear:

    the balls and the pudding both acted stupidly

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  13. Docjohn52 says:

    truly EPIC!
    (I used government cheese)
    Bookmarked!

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  14. Sporadic Small Arms Fire says:

    At AoSHQ, scrotastrophy is not an exception. It is a way of life. Other side effect of long time exposure to ValuRite is an extensive collection of hobo artifacts and taxidermy.

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  15. INCITEmarsh says:

    This is a venerable AoSHQ tradition dating back much further than the tea parties. “I wanna dip my balls in it!” has been a moronosphere meme for years, referencing this recurring skit from the criminally-underappreciated ’90s MTV sketch comedy show “The State”: http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/375203/louie.jhtml#id=1609673

    Obviously with the “teabagger” slur, scrotal immersion has been a more mainstream topic lately, so it was only natural to take ball-dipping to the next level following the election of Scott Brown. But I’m disappointed that you felt the need to do it for a link. Ball-dipping shouldn’t be done with ulterior motives; it should be enjoyed purely on its own terms. Right now I’m giving my sack a good swirl in a combination of warm Crisco and Yellow Dye #5, and the sensation is quite exquisite.

    (Though “empuddening my testes” could be the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks.)

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  16. Have you considered a nice bernaise instead? The minty freshness of the tarragon is much to be desired.

    :o)

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  18. bmw m5 says:

    you may have a fantastic blog right here! would you wish to make some invite posts on my blog?

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