POWIP Piece of Work In Progress – Former Abode of Dan Collins

Today is KillTruck senior correspondent/my mom's 79th birthday.  I haven't called her yet, but I have posted adorable pictures of her on twitter and facebook.  I also mentioned that she had me at age 45 and rejected any tests for birth defects, etc. because it wouldn't make an difference.  My mother doesn't have to see something to believe it, or even to love it.  Lucky for me.  I didn't think too much of it when I posted it, but various friend's reaction made me realize something, she's a hero.  The following is from an old post from the anniversary of my father's death:

I posted a song with the birth/death dates for Dad on twitter earlier.  A friend noticed he was born before her grandparents and good-naturedly (is that a word?) pointed out that I probably wasn't planned.  I wasn't.  Who would plan this? 

At the same time, man-hating-bitterness-with-a-face, I mean Gloria Allred, was on tv attacking Tim Tebow's mom for her controversial Superbowl ad.  If you haven't heard about it, when Heisman winning Adonis, Tim Tebow's, mother was carrying him there were terrible complications, and she was advised to abort him.  She didn't.  He not only survived, but grew up to be Tim freaking Tebow.  Focus on the Family has sponsored an ad to run during the upcoming Superbowl where Tebow and his mother share their beautiful story.  I guess this all went down in the Philippines, where abortion was illegal at the time.  Allred submits that Tebow's mother is being dishonest by claiming her decision was based on things like loving her child and having a soul as opposed to fear of prosecution for having an abortion.  Gloria Allred sucks.

So I was a little pissed, but when my friend sent me that tweet I saw the opportunity to publicly acknowledge my mother for her stellar character.  I would like to do so here as well.

In early 1976, my 45-year-old mother, was suddenly struck with the kind of fatigue she had only experienced twice before in her life.  She was pregnant... with me.  On top of the challenges of caring for a small child at that stage of life, the stats for delivering a child with birth defects, especially Down Syndrome, at that age were staggering.  She waived genetic testing.  It was a moot point.  I was her child and she would love me regardless. 

I've always thought that was really cool, I didn't fully realize what a big deal that was until I was carrying my own son (who turns out to have some special needs of his own).  I read an article that basically said my chances of having birth defects would have been better if my parents were first cousins, instead of middle-aged.  I thought it was funny, so I called her and told her about it.  I can't remember what the actual stats were, but she told me in 1976 she was told they were much higher than they are now.  That's statistics for 'ya.  

That was when I finally understood the strength God packed in my mother's 5'2" frame. I still would have had the amnio, just for peace of mind or to wrap my brain around any "bad news" that would come from it, but she didn't.  I defy you to find a deeper example of unconditional love.  I think all that's really neat and makes me really lucky, and I've never publicly or privately told her that.  So I just did. 

That's also why NO ONE.  MESSES.  WITH TRIG PALIN.

This was shortly after Roe v. Wade passed, but abortions still weren't available in every state.  A friend of their's actually said to my dad, "If it was my wife I'd send her to New York."  So much for choice.  Early on mom started having symptoms of a miscarriage.  Her doctor was out of town.  The ingrate covering for him said, "Go to bed, but you're gonna lose it."  Apparently, this was when she learned how much she really wanted me.  My sister said my dad was furious.  I may have been unplanned, but I was clearly wanted. 

The only negative thing I ever heard her say was when she came to stay with me around the time my son was due.  She said, "The only time I ever resented you was when I would have hot flashes while changing your diaper."

I heard that some late-in-life children have issues with being unplanned.  I can honestly say that never crossed my mind, and my parents didn't take me to a therapist or go out of their way to make sure I didn't have a complex.  The notion of any child not being a blessing is simply unthinkable in my family.

My husband's parents and my father have all passed.  The only negative I can account for is that my children only have one grandparent, and who knows for how long.  Although mom is planning to attend their high school graduations.

Hopefully, my readers will get to know her better.  Part of why I like the show Mad Men is because it's set in an era that's always been a mystery to me.  Betty and Don are my parents age.  Sally and Bobby would be my brother and sisters ages.  Around the time of the last season premier I thought it would be cool to interview the real "Joanie/Betty" (my mom actually worked outside the home), so I sent mom some questions about what it was really like then.  She still hasn't gotten them finished.  She's too busy.  I like that. 

About the title, abortionist George Tiller's motto was "Trust Women".