Celebretards « POWIP

27Feb/1111

Snark on the Red Carpet

Dan asked me to compile a "best of the catty oscar comments" post.
So, Boss said "jump!" I said "Go Eff yerself" and then I did as I was told.
((I added snarky and just stuff I thought was funny too))

So we'll start with mine:

Seriously? You've got money, I know you own at least one mirror. This was for the ~~lovely and talented~~ apparently homeless, Sharon Stone: Observe:

Really?

@zipperfish Being impressed with Reese Witherspoon's hair would be like being impressed with my crotch. If I had a sock in it. Both fake. #oscars

@RobertsEmma HD is the worst thing that ever happened to the red carpet. #oscars

@zipperfish Damn. James Franco is high ALREADY. This should be good. #oscars

@jopinionated I expect Christian Bale to scream "We have to go back!" with that beard. #Lost #Oscars

Holy Rat's Nest Batman!

@mrjoezee I hope Abraham Lincoln wins Best Supporting Actor tonight for The Fighter. #Oscars

@SklarBrothers Gwyneth Paltrow looks like the hottest set of drapes I've ever seen. #oscars

Hmmmm?

@detectivejane Jesus Bale has been resurrected. #Oscars

@mattduplessis This is what I stayed up to watch? Oh dear lord. I'm going to need more bourbon. #oscar

@ANNzac Is Franco high? I think Franco is high. He's high, isn't he? #Oscars

@dancortese1 The Oscars could not be moving any SLOWER! Where's Sheen when you need him?!

This doesn't really belong here, but it had to go somewhere:
@KeithOlbermann Just remember: every star you see, every film you applaud, everything you honor at the #Oscars, is a proud part of a # UNION #Wisconsin

@pattonswalt Kirk Douglas = Charlie Sheen in 3 weeks. #Oscars

I don't know what this means...so I threw it in just in case it's brilliant, funny, dirty, or all three @athensbynite αχαχαχα,μόλις κατάλαβα ότι βλέπω από γερμανικό κανάλι #oscars

@ONN Hailee Steinfeld terrified of winning, fears being eaten alive by Helena Bonham Carter's wraith form #Oscars #fb

@waitwait They should have one of those "In case of emergency, break glass" things with Ricky Gervais inside. #wwoscars #oscars

And because there was no way I was leaving this out! @JennyJohnsonHi5 Kirk Douglas would make a HUGE mess eating pussy. #Oscars

@greggutfeld Replace entire #Oscars with Mila Kunis. #problemsolved

Gutfeld's Solution

@dancortese1 For those of u saying the Oscars "suck", I just want to say, you're wrong! The word you're looking for is "swallow"!

@TheOnion How rude — not a single character from Toy Story 3 bothered to show up. #oscars

And the Get Off My Lawn award goes to:
@colecamp Gosh dangit, I love old people. #oscars

@MelissaEGilbert (( YES, That's Half-Pint)) My boys and I r watching Drag Me to Hell. It's like the Oscars but not as long.

This guy was not enjoying the show apparently
@Oatmeal Finding humor in actors reading teleprompters is like trying to get aroused by watching a rottweiller dry-hump the couch cushions #oscars

@IMAO_ So in reality, Batman sounds like a chimney sweep.

@andylevy Christian Bale's beard is far more believable than Nicole Kidman's.

@STU_GBP No one has mentioned the Bush economy or 'he lied, they died' yet. What is happening to Hollywood? #Oscars

@detectivejane WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED! Um, Voldemort stood up Anne Hathaway? #oscars

@TrainedHedonist Christian Bale's portrayal of a drug-addled, punchy middle aged man was convincing. His role in the Fighter was great too. #oscars

@nonpromqueen matthew is looking rough tonight. i don't want to bone him. so confused. #oscars

Because I agree...That would have been Hawwt!! lol
@hellyesbrandon I was kinda hoping that Helen Miren and Russel Brand were going to fu*k on stage. Silently. For forty five minutes. #Oscars #Hawwwwwt

@foxychocolate
Two girls, one Oscar. #Oscars

@donkimsays Best way to cover not knowing your wife's name: Pretend crying #ChristianBale #Oscars

@ApocalypseHow Best Special Effects goes to the person who made it look like McConaughey is wearing a shirt. #oscars

@TheOnlyDJQualls I'm watching the Oscars completely sober. Is it always this cringe-worthy?

@capricecrane ((Caprice is Ginger's (Gilligan's Island) daughter)) Matthew McConaughey looks like he's been tanning with Snooki. #Oscars

Matthew?

@teh_Dede Who would have ever thought the day would come when the girl in the pic with Matthew McConaughey would be the "pretty one"? #oscars

You and me both @RaquelPapel I miss the old days where they would be streakers and people walking with bottles of whiskey #oscars

@wildmook Randy Newman really should not sing his songs. EVER.

@akgabriel And then @ZacharyLevi sang at the #Oscars, and millions of women's ovaries exploded.

@trent_reznor HOLY SHIT doesn't seem enough... (( Indeed Mr. Reznor ....congrats!))

and now ...I'm out. I have to go to bed now....if there are funnier tweets during the 12 or so more hours this show is on...well...do you own damn post. :)

UPDATE @JamesUrbaniak You bastards! You built the Kodak Theater over Bob Hope's grave! BUT YOU ONLY MOVED THE TOMBSTONE! #ghosts

I knew if I waited a few minutes.....

Dede

Sometimes stuff rumbles around in my brain that's longer than 140 characters and, well......twitlonger just seems like cheating. :)

Tagged as: anne hathway, bad hair, boobs, helena bonham carter, james franco, lame, oscars, stoned, ugly dresses 11 Comments

27Feb/110

Bye Bye, Ddafi, Goodbye

You evil, retarded ditchweed Ozymandias:

(via Barret Brown)

Translation: I will clear Libya from one end to the other, in the desert, and in the towns, from the streets, from the houses, and each Alley (Zenga-Zenga). For you who don't understand why the girl with the bikini, Kaddafi was always surrounded by good looking women as body guards, and that's how he is going to liberate Libya.

A good day for Libya, a wonderful day for man kind, this video is what freedom is all about, and the Libyans just got a little taste of it.

In all seriousness, listen to this heartwrenching interview with a Libyan in the midst of the violence.

Dan Collins

Dan Collins is a dude who blogs. He used to blog elsewhere. Now he blogs here.

Biebernomics

I saw this on Fox earlier in the week, but got caught up reading up on the childishness in Wisconsin and didn't take the time to post on it til now. This post on TH reminded me of it and I thought I'd post the thoughts I had when I first saw the "news." I'll start with noting that there's no reason in the world to take this flash-in-the-pan pop singer seriously on political issues. Nevertheless, as Austin Hill notes in the TH article:

I expect such childlike silliness from, well, children. But far too many elected “leaders” in Washington have been emulating this kind of fantasy-based thinking for far too long

Now, the part that really caught my eye was the silliness of this particular quote:

My bodyguard's baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby's premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home.

I thought about titling the post "Bieber Admits To Being A Horrible Employer" or something like that, but that's not really fair. I highly doubt Justin Bieber is actually hiring his body guards as employees rather than through a contracted security agency. And even if he did, he would not be likely to be making decisions about the sort of health care packages to offer.

All that said, the irony is still sweet. I'll leave all the obvious retorts (comparative tax rates, freedom to choose your HC package, etc.) unsaid just to savor the irony. The ostensible employer complaining about his employee's weak health coverage.

Adam Wells

Living life at 84 mph and 7000 feet. All I ask is that you don't block traffic, act like a professional, and don't act all surprised when your actions have consequences. Oh, and don't complain about the refs; trust me, they don't care if your team wins or not.

Tagged as: Is It Just Me? 5 Comments

7Jan/112

Sylvester McMonkey McBean’s Time Machine

Steamy!!!!!!!!!!! Mmmmmmmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm Mmmmmmmmmm.

That is all.

Carry on.

Enoch_Root

Person with kids,a beautiful wife, a job. Catholic of the Latin Rite.

Waffles! reminds us again

Separated at birth?

That some animals at the farm are simply more equal than others:

It’s been more than three months since we first told you about Capt. John Kerry’s high-seas tax dodge on his new $7 million yacht, Isabel, and the town of Nantucket still doesn’t have a check from the senior senator!

Now, in case you forgot, Kerry’s yacht is a New Zealand-built Friendship sloop with an Edwardian-style, glossy varnished teak interior, two VIP main cabins and a pilothouse fitted with a wet bar and cold wine storage. We point this out because the excise tax on boats is $10 per thousand of valuation. However, the state caps the assessment on yachts over 60 feet that are less than four years old at $50,000. Which, if you ask us, seems rather foolish . . .

So, the $7 million Isabel, for excise tax purposes, is worth just $50G, meaning, should Kerry decide to pony up, he’d owe just $500 to the island’s tax coffers. Chump change for Jawn and Ta-ray-za!

“Whether owed or not, we intend to pay the equivalent taxes as if the boat’s home port were currently in Massachusetts,” Kerry said at the time. “That payment is being made promptly.”

Or, maybe not. Which is strange, because I'm pretty sure he can afford it. Maybe, though, it's another case where he was for it before he was against it. Then again, perhaps he's just expressing solidarity with the rest of the plebes, who he recently accused of losing their mind:

“It’s absurd. We’ve lost our minds,” said a clearly exasperated Kerry. “We’re in a period of know-nothingism in the country, where truth and science and facts don’t weigh in.

You know what's absurd Thurston Heinz III ? That a guy with all your do-re-mi, one who undoubtably agrees with Joe Biden that paying taxes is patriotic, hasn't payed the paltry 500 dollar excise tax on your fabulous 7 million dollar yacht to the oh-so-toney town of Nantucket. Senator, do it for Joe ...

Here's what this know-nothing knows: the fact is that Kerry is fabulously wealthy, and the truth is that he and other top Democrats have long advocated having the wealthy dutifully pay higher taxes, and I would submit that it would be trivial for him to meet the same obligations that any of us other rubes would have to. And that's it.

The science, is settled ...

(Image courtesy of extremeCatholic)

Rocketman

Tagged as: Kerry, Liberal Hypocrisy 5 Comments

1Nov/105

In ABC Interview, Quaids Lay Out Chilling Evidence for ‘Star Wacker’

Watch the interview:

The couple have accused a mysterious Hollywood cult they call the "Star Whackers" of attempting to kill them for their money. They also attribute the deaths of celebrities such as Heath Ledger, David Carradine and Chris Penn to the "Star Whackers" and said the listed causes of death -- drug overdose for Ledger and accidental asphyxiation for Carradine -- were "flat out fraud."

"They follow us, they tail us," Randy Quaid said. "They tag our cell phone they hack our computer."

Evi Quaid, 47, said their likely assassins would be "an estate planner who would make a living trust and a county that could cash randy's royalty stream forever."

"I feel like Uma Thurman buried in a coffin," she said. "I genuinely feel these people are trying to kill us."

Randy Quaid said they've jeopardized his relationship with his younger brother, actor Dennis Quaid, who has asked his brother to seek therapy.

"It's been a little tense the past few years but I love my brother very much. We're worried about him," Randy Quaid said. "He's being victimized by the same people."

Evi Quaid said they've tried to warn the younger Quaid brother, but to no avail.

"Dennis is now on a treadmill of making movies that are garbage and it's unfortunate because he's talented," she said.

Also in danger, according to the Quaids, are troubled celebrities like Mel Gibson, Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears.

Twinkle, twinkle, Little Star . . . someone knows just where you are.

Soon to be a Fox series.

Dan Collins

Dan Collins is a dude who blogs. He used to blog elsewhere. Now he blogs here.

Follow Dan!

All the Kool Kidz are doing it...

POWIP Piece of Work In Progress – Former Abode of Dan Collins

Snark on the Red Carpet

Dede

Bye Bye, Ddafi, Goodbye

Dan Collins

Biebernomics

Adam Wells

Sylvester McMonkey McBean’s Time Machine

Enoch_Root

Waffles! reminds us again

Rocketman

In ABC Interview, Quaids Lay Out Chilling Evidence for ‘Star Wacker’

Dan Collins

Follow Dan!

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